Sunday, October 30, 2005


And From The Ashes First time Readers are encouraged to start with PHOENIX

This is not what I originally planned to post,I was going to write a bright cheerful tale,centering on the wonderful morning I had with my youngest daughter and her friends.I was forced,no that is not the right word,I was driven to write not mainly about my daughter,but another young lady,and the poem she wrote while she was the guest of the government,the same government that decided it is better to imprison drug users then treat them.

The young lady I would have been so happy to report,beat her demons,but that is not the case.
Like so many others before her,and for so many after,drugs caused brief happiness,then sorrow,then it is followed by death.No arresting officers found her in time,no guardian angels to pick her up,no,she is gone from us,taken by the demon she be-friended,and even when she realized he was a false friend she could not give him the slip.
Someone, somewhere must have done a cost analysis of prison versus drug treatment,and went with the low figure.I can think of no other reason our society has such a huge prison population.If you where to remove drugs from the criminal codes and placed them the food and drug administrations,you could close 45% of the prisons.Where then,could all those Neo-Nazi types get employment if not as prison guards?(humor folks! save your cards and letters)
That's an argument to be dealt with in THE VIEW FROM OUTSIDE , not here,these pages are for up beat stories of misery!Yep,that's right,upbeat stories from misery.There is a reason for the suffering I have endured,and no matter what sort of horrible life I've lived,there is a method to the madness as it where.
JUst where is the upbeat in this story that I promised all my posts would have?I admit it took me awhile to realize what is was,but then it struck me all at once.
Today was a special day for me,today I went to church to a service for the first time in approximately thirty seven years.Thats right,37 years.
This may shock some who have read my Phoenix post,where I sound like I am filled with the Spirit of the Lord,so one would think I am an avent church goer.
None the less,this was a first for me,and truthfully the only reason I attended was out of love and respect for my sweet little Susan,the little girl I so callously abandoned when she was three years old.

I am now proud to say my sweet little girl as become a beautiful young lady,one who is very active in her church,who as traveled the world doing missionary work,one who just this evening will be traveling to one of the toughest and most secure Penitentiaries in the whole Canadian Correctional System,doing Prison Ministry work,meeting with some of the worst and most dangerous people in society,bringing them the gospel.It has been her work for years to help and serve the Lord and the less privileged.Whether it as been the jungles of a Caribbean backwater,or the mean streets of San Francisco,to the worst of prisons,she as been there with a smile and a Bible.Why?

I wondering how much of this she would be doing if MY life has been different then it was?Is it at all possible my poor example is what motivated her?Did my years in prison cause her to want to be close to me the only way she could be?

Spiritually? I started to examine our relationship,or rather lack of.I tried to put myself in her place,and much as I tried,I just could not see away where she would the great and kind person she is,if I had done things differently.If I had not deserted my family,my daughter would not have been raised in the church the way she was,of that I can guarantee.I am once again convinced my fall into the Hell I lived in all those years have a reason,and if I had not become a drug dealer and an addict,and spent years in prison,my daughter would not be who she is.

This certainly is another case of the Lord working in mysterious ways!

The amazing thing is,she FORGIVES ME! SHE LOVES ME!

So I was able to find the up point to the following poem.The up point is,if I had never been a greedy drug dealing addict,my daughter would not be the wonderful person she is,I never would have been in that Church today,and I would never have discovered this poem upon my return.

That may sound twisted,but if you really examine everything,it makes total sense.The poem was in my emails when I returned from Church,one of 127 emails that where waiting for me.I would never have opened it,it was a group post,and I can never read all I get,so I pick and choice using the subject header as my only guide,and the subject header had the word daughter in it,so I opened it.

What I read brought tears to my eye,a lump to my throat,a swelling in my heart,and my mind was flooded with dark memories.I am POSITIVE it was God's hand that guided all these events.I am meant to publish this,instead of my original idea of relating my church going experience.

This poem will save lives!Please spread this link and story. I will no longer subject you to my ramblings.


I destroy homes, I tear families apart, I take your children,and that's just the start. I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold, The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember I'm easily found, I live all around you - in schools and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door.

I'm made in a lab, but not like you think, I can be made under the kitchen sink. In your child's closet, and even in woods, If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.

I have many names, but there's one you know best, I'm sure you've heard of me, my name's crystal meth. My power is awesome, try me you'll see, But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go, But try me twice, and I'll own your soul. When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie, You do what you have to -- just to get high.

The crimes you 'll commit for my narcotic charms Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms. You'll lie to your mother, you'll steal from your dad, When you see their tears, you should feel sad.

But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised, I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways. I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, and separate friends.

I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I'll be with you always -- right by your side. You'll give up everything - your family, your home, Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.

I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give, When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned - this is no game, If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.

I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind, I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine. The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed, The voices you'll hear, from inside your head. -

The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see, I want you to know, these are all gifts from me. But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, That you are mine, and we shall not part.

You'll regret that you tried me, they always do, But you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen, many times you were told, But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

You could have said no, and just walked away, If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I'll be your master, you'll be my slave, I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.

Now that you have met me, what will you do? Will you try me or not? It's all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand....let me lead you to hell!

I wish I could tell you the name of the author,it is my understanding it was the family of the dead girl who first released this to the net,and they wish to remain anonymous.I am far from the first person to publish it,however it tells such an important message,it needs to be repeated.Please help me get this poem around the world,over and over.It should be on the desk of every teacher,minister,drug counsellor,correctional administrator and government official.I have sent it on to the addicts support group I founded,and I ask you all to do your part on the war on drugs! REHABILITATION NOT IMPRISONMENT! If you are a user of an addictive substance,and you are ready,reach out,we are here! Great crystal meth site they can help!



At 4/11/05 10:30 AM, Blogger barbara floyd said...

this site is great, being a former user myself, i can relate, thank God that i was that was rescued before death or prison. Keep up the good work and if you will please post the site to the Jeff Dicks Coalition which assists inmates in getting medical help at

At 24/11/05 3:21 AM, Anonymous meg said...

A profound piece of writing, the poem very powerful.... Remarkable as always.

At 14/12/11 9:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

..I'm surfing in the internet and came across your blog.
..I'm quite impressed , with how it makes such good reading.

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