Saturday, November 12, 2005


First time readers are urged to first READ PHOENIX As way of introduction to this website.


I urge all readers to visit The Abuse Ends Now!

I recently revealed to the world that I was a victim of Sexual Abuse at the hands of a Pedophile.My transgressor was none other then a High School teacher who doubled as a Boy Scout Leader justifying yet another stereotyping.I hold no stock in that type of slander though,for the vast majority of Scouting Officials are honest,kind,caring and dedicated to the betterment of young men,not their depravity.I invite you to read of that first time of abuse,it may explain a lot of things,such as why I was unable to remain faithful,and perhaps according to some therories,why I became an addict in the first place.
That dark tale is not for these pages,pages that I have dedicated to the telling of Happy tales of Misery &Suffering! So,without further delay I present for your enjoyment:
Cancer detected by the illict movement of drugs and illegal firearms!
Please,hold the cards and leters! remember,this is satire,I am not,nor ever will again condone the selling of drugs,but we must remember,this is the past that I have,and it made me what I am now.I feel that my past was all part of GODS PLAN for me,and that is why there is happy tales of misery and suffering!On with the narrative:

The day was like the last one,and the one before that.I was of course feeling fine,I had good company with me,a good supply of top shelve pot (marijuana) and at least a QP of blow( quarter pound of cocaine) and a few grand in my pocket,and more then ten grand in my stash,as that was not my money,that was for the Boss.I have always prided myself,even when whacked out of my gourd,my veins filled with up or down,or both at once,I had never blown a front.
Oh,I had screwed up before,spent the float,but something would always happen to even things out.It was as if even low life Drug Dealers have Guardian Angels!

When I look back on my life now,through an experienced and SOBER eye,I realize that something,or somebody,as been saving my life on a regular basis,only I was always under the assumption that I was just plain old unlucky.I had not at that time let GOD into my life,a life that as been one disaster after another,yet except for the times when there was a death involved,I have always seemed to come out of it ahead somehow.What I had been viewing as bad luck was actually the best thing that could have happened to me under the circumstances.

House burns down?lose everything you own?no insurance?Receive a gift of $1200.00 from co-workers and then stumble on a real estate deal that will make you $40,000.Get fired from your job?A total stranger that you meet in a bar gives you a better job,and on and on it always seemed to go.

I know now that we are never asked to carry what we can not lift.I certainly haven't always felt that way,thats for sure.Twice in my life time I have asked to die,begged for it.The ONLY reason I never committed suicide at those times was the fact that I know more then most,that death does not hurt anyone but the living.In other words,my death would have hurt the ones who loved me,and I could not ask them to go through what I was going through at the time.

I don't believe I have ever told you about the time I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease?To the uniformed amongst you,Hodgkins is a rare form of lymphatic cancer.It can appear almost anywhere in the body,and unfortunately can be symptoms free until it as spread through out all your lymph nodes and can then only be treated with mutative surgery ( you guessed right guys!) and a regime of massive amounts of radiation and Chemotherapy.The survival rate at this stage is very low.If events had not unfolded as they did....well I don't think I would be here.That was my second time with Cancer,the first was a mild case of Carcinoma,skin cancer for you uninformed,treated with a simple snip and a couple blasts of radiation just for effect.How I was diagnosed with that one is also drug dealing related,but I think it is not in a categery worthy of it's own tale.Let's just say it was found due to my hating of wearing clothes when high on cocaine and leave it at that.

Just as a short break unrelated to this tale,I recently under went a CAT scan to try and detrimine why my feet and legs are so horribly painfull and swollen.A spot of Adenoma was discovered above my right kidney and I am presently waiting to get in for a MRI(magnetic resonance imaging ).While almost all ademomas are benign , they are the direct precursors of adenocarcinomas,and as such deserve close observation.

Here in Canada we may have some of the best health care in the world(UN stats,not my opinion) but it as created waiting lists as there is a servere shortage of trained personal.Seems like our Government cutbacks in spending as resulted in our brightest and best moving else where,where the dollars are. Now back to our main feature:

So,there I was,minding my own business(which was cocaine distributing) entertaining a guest who by coincidence was nine months with child( alas,not mine)I mention her only as it is necessary for me to explain why in the Hell would I allow to happen what I am about to reveal.Trafficking in drugs is a risky business,and not all the risks come from law enforcement agencies.

One of the problems that comes from being a criminal,is the people you know! honour among thieves?In my case YES,I am old school,but there is always exceptions to everything,and when you through in the mind altering drugs,anything can and usually does happen.Cocaine affects different people in different ways,and the standing joke of coke heads is that they are a paranoid bunch of people.I think that is because cocaine is an amplifier of your subconscience,have a guilty conscience,your paraniod,feel great about your self,you feel invinceable.That is how coke effected me,instead of hiding behind locked doors cowering in a closet,I would be more likely to leave my door wide open.That is not a good way to deal drugs!Suddenly I am hearing voices,I had just done a "whack" and was feeling WHEEEEE!Then I heard the voice again:"Get on your knees or I will cut your throat!

Those words sure brought me down from my high!I had at the time a 9 mil only a few feet from my hand,and if it was not for the fact that they(3) had Betty(names have been changed to protect the guilty)kneeing on the floor(she had answered the door)her hands clasped protectively over her unborn child,the outcome would have been much different.So,I went against every fibre of my being,and I up it.Showed them my stash,released my cash.(rythmes!)

I should have known it wasn't over yet!No,they had me,and now they wanted to play,to convince themselves that they were MEN,because they had pulled one over the OLD MAN.I will spare you the details of the humiliations they infected on me,after all,pain don't hurt.There will be those amongst you that will say I got what I deserved,and I will not argue with you,I lived a life of crime,and if crime came back to bite me in the ass,so be it.I did not have God in my life then,not that I was aware of,I know now He was there,that this was His plan all along.

The last thing they did(I had to get this from Betty) was the biggest of the bunch had knock me out by ramming the butt end of a shotgun behind my head,in the back of the neck.The next few hours are kind of fuzzy,but I remember twice being lead back to my cot in the ER as I was trying to get to maternity,I was there holding Betty's hand as she gave birth to a beautiful son,only to collapse again and wake up yet once again in the ECU.It seems that I had received a fairly serious concussion and needed medication to reduce swelling around the brain stem.The X-rays they took at that time also revealed,you guessed it,a growth around a lymph node needed a biopsy.The rest they say is history.Oh,I still went through Hell,lost all my hair etc, etc,(and the damn stuff just won't grow back in places!) A new life was brought into the world that night,a innocent babe,but a another life was saved,one not quite so innoncent.

That child today is in foster care,his mother another causality of the drug wars,and while I am not in foster care,who CARES?(yes,that's humor!)What brought those thieves to me that night in particular,at my least able to resist point,and what guiding hand drove that shotgun to the back of my head in just that spot?.If this was an isolated case,I would just mark it up to a happy set of consequences,however it was just one of a string dating back over thirty years.I have a hatred of hospitals and doctors offices.I would never of got diagnosed with cancer if this robbery had not taken place.Once again,GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS!

There has been,and I pray still is,a Guardian Angel if you will,making me pay for my sins,but always showing me the door way out(of my problems)I have always in the past turned away from that open door,fearful to step through,step through to success and happiness,because for me,that is the unknown,and we fear what we do not understand.I know now that God as a plan for me,and telling this tale is just part of it.

Enough with the philosophy,back to our main feature.Yep,there seems no doubt about it,as horrible as it may seem,as unsettleing as it may sound,there is no doubt in my mind at all:

CRIME CURES CANCER!! or,here's another headline for you to consider:NEW DIAGNOSTIC TOOL DISCOVERED! 12 GAUGE SHOTGUNS IN THE ER?You got to love my life right? don't you wish you had stories like these?

Remember,Hugs are better then Drugs! support group

Parents,be aware of your childrens moods,where they go,who they are with,protect your children from sexual abuse.The pedophiles are out there,and while I do not condone witch hunts,I do support notification programs,we have a right to know who lives in our neighbourhoods.
There are an estimated 1,000,000 pedophiles in North America,many are on line RIGHT NOW hunting for your child! Know who your children talk to on-line,there are some wonderful programs available that allows you to check up what they do on-line,and while I support the right to privacy,some things are just to important for you NOT to snoop into.
Be approachable,if I had felt I could talk to my parents,things may ghave turned out much differently.I invite you to read A PARENTS LOVE? for an example of dysfunctional parenting.
That's all from me today folks,you see what I mean? a tale of pain and sufering with a happy twist.I was robbed and beaten,resulting in my life being saved from cancer.

Drug Treatment Programs and Centers save lifes! Support your local initiatives.Urge your City Fathers to fund Detox Centers to end jailhouse suicides,so called "drunk tanks"are not the place to put an addict or alcoholic "sober up"
Parents,always be avaiable to your children,protect them,love them unconditionally and always let them know it's okay,that they will always be welcome.

I invite your views and comments,please leave your promotions behind.


At 12/11/05 3:18 PM, Anonymous Anne said...

You talk as if you are proud of your drug dealing.I think you need to really confess to God all your sins and hope He will forgive you.

At 12/11/05 5:27 PM, Anonymous Fran said...

You ask if we wish we had story's like that to tell, No I sure don't,
I'm sorry your life was so horrible, but I like the way you see good in it, as the Lord always helped you, and he does work in mysterious ways.

At 12/11/05 8:25 PM, Blogger 4given4ever said...

Praise God for you. Yes, God works in mysterious ways. He uses people, places, and things for His purpose to bring Him glory. I'm glad you found Jesus in time. Now maybe God did this so that you may help minister to other people the awsomeness of God. And as for Anne's comment: Anne, maybe you need to come down off that pedestal you've put yourself on and read his article a little closer. It seems to me he is not proud of his drug dealing but God used him for a purpose and he HAS confessed his sins and allowed Jesus to come into his heart. Judge not that you not be judged. Mat 7:1. And Free At Last: Yes, you are "free at last" and Praise God! Come visit my site sometime.

At 13/11/05 4:02 AM, Blogger Free at Last! said...

Bless you,and I really appreciate your words to "Anne"I did not feel it my place to argue with her,her comment is not worthy of my time.I am constanly getting(even though 99% of mail is positve)critisms from people who you can tell by their comment have not even bothered to read it all,or they have the attention span of a knat!

At 13/11/05 5:22 AM, Blogger The Phoenix said...

I have a completely different view on life, and I believe God doesn't "play chess" with all of our lives. He lays down the foundation, but he gives us the power to choose...he gives us FREEWILL.

You notice that God doesn't change you...His presence is only felt when YOU are ready. God can't make you better, just as a parent can't do everything for his child.

How else would you learn anything?

At 18/11/05 8:14 PM, Anonymous Winter said...

Some call it serendipity. Some call it synchronicity. Some call it coincidence. I call it my guardian angel that bought me to the site of H. Douglas Forbes. My oldest son, age 24, has added joy, pain and a great many tears to our lives over the years. He could be a wonderful person, but he would go on bouts of violent and destructive behavior that seemed to come out of nowhere. As parents, we tried parenting classes, tough love (we had him arrested 3 times) and counseling. The psychologist told us he couldn’t help because my son refused to admit there was anything wrong. His violence was always followed by remorse. He would call himself useless and a loser. He would promise to change but the cycle would soon repeat itself. He would keep getting fired from jobs because he would fly off the handle at somebody and no one was prepared to put up with this kind of behavior.

Then I ran across Mr. Forbes’ site. I clicked a link to a rehab center because binge drinking was another of my son’s problems and in the index of that page a word caught my eye. The word was bi-polar. As I read that page it occurred to me that they may as well have my son’s name engraved into the site. We now have a word for my son’s problems. I showed the site to him and he has made a doctor’s appointment. For the first time in many years I feel hopeful. There is an honest chance for my son to have a normal life and I feel a tremendous amount of gratitude to Mr. Forbes. If he had not gone through the experiences that he writes about, and if he had not the courage to tell others about them, I would not have found an answer to our prayers.

At 24/11/05 3:10 AM, Anonymous meg said...

I just love the coinsidences of your life, to me it seems you have had so many, and it is wonderful to realise that you notice them all. Sure seems you have a guardian angel/ a higher entity by your side, you have been helped out all through all of your your experiences. Goes to show that you matter.
You write so well, you write about everything that I find interesting and absorbing, keep it up kiddo.

At 25/11/05 5:43 AM, Blogger Provident 360 said...

God's working miracles!


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